Have you ever had one of those days? What am I talking about have you ever had one of those months?
You know the kind I am talking about, where there is so much that you are wanting to do, so much that you need to do, but you find yourself feeling like you are trying to thread a needle in a tornado.
This past month has been like that for me. There is so much that builds and builds until finally you reach the point where you are going to break. I reached that point the other night.
After being sick for a week and getting well, I returned to the sick zone. It was a set back of the sinus kind. My wife joined me in the coughing and stuffiness. Then we found out our son had a double ear infection of the worst kind. In the midst of all of this we were dealing with the surprise of being about seven weeks pregnant, and then the shock of it being a failed pregnancy, that ended in a D & C.
I found myself in a place that didn't want to be, however I knew no matter how much I wished I wasn't having to deal with it, I was going to have to. I did what I had done many times, I cried out to God for help. This time I was frustrated and angry. All this stuff that was going on "why is it happening." My answer was not what I had hoped for, in fact it just seemed to get worse. The pressure that I felt inside made me feel like I was a bomb ready to explode.
I found myself trying to put our child to bed without any power because of some power station problems. He did not want to go to sleep and let us know by screaming at the top of his lungs. As I lay there in the darkness, knowing that all my son needed to do was go to sleep, I was torn. I was torn between letting him cry it out allowing him to sooth himself to sleep or to go and pick him up and hold him close so that he was no longer afraid. It was a that point I knew he wasn't going to calm himself. As I went into his room he was standing in his crib with tears streaming down his little face and arms stretched out. I scooped him up and held him against my chest. One or two sobs and then complete silence. I just stood there in the darkness holding my son, feeling his little heart beat.
After easing him back into his crib I returned to my room, however not at my breaking point, but at a point of brokenness. I realized just how much God has blessed me with and how I am nothing without Him. It was at that point with tears streaming down my face and my arms outstretched the Father scooped me up and held me against His chest. One or two sobs and then complete silence. He just stood there in the darkness and held His child, feeling my heart beat.
